Lisa Wade, author of American Hookup
If the title of this book, American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus, by Lisa Wade, PhD., startles you, the information and descriptions in the book may shock you. But tune in to this podcast so you can find out the truth about how pervasive hook-up culture on college campuses is today, its pervasiveness and effects on students.
In an up-front conversation, Lisa Wade, associate professor of Sociology at Occidental College, gives us insight into the history of the hook-up culture on college campuses, the reasons students choose to hook-up, or choose to avoid it, and what colleges could do to change this culture.
“Seeing what’s happening on campus as a culture – recognizing that it’s not the hookup itself, but hookup culture that is the problem – is the first step to changing it,” she writes.
Are you a perfectionist? Is it influencing your child to be perfect also?
“Focus instead on who are you as a person, what do you stand for, what do you believe in, what are your deeper principles, and how are you going to live a life that adheres to that? And if you do, you’re going to achieve what you’re meant to achieve, and it’s not a societal standard and it’s not better than other people, it’s your personal best.” ~ Claire Grant
Claire, who is Executive Director of The Biggest Job Family Program at Hyde School, talks candidly about perfectionism in her own life as a teenager; how it happened, and her struggle to be satisfied with her own effort. She gives tips to parents who might be expecting perfection, and who are parenting out of guilt because they feel they should be more or because they’ve let their kid down in some way.
Lenore Skenazy, President & Co-Founder of Let Grow
In a world where parents are getting a lot of blame, here’s a different answer for why kids are so anxious about everything. Enter Lenore Skenazy, founder of LET GROW (www.letgrow.org) and author of Free Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry).
“NO!” she says, “It’s not the parents; it’s this culture that has written everything that kids do, see, eat, hear, read, lick – whatever - encounter as something that will be difficult and possibly dangerous…”
This is an informative and high-energy conversation with the woman who started the free range kids movement, now a law in the state of Utah and a pending bill in other states. (https://www.npr.org/2018/04/01/598630200/utah-passes-free-range-parenting-law)
Lenore and her team have also started Let Grow, an organization that includes the Let Grow Project for parents and the Let Grow Play Club for schools. Let Grow is trying to help parents, schools and communities get back to raising resilient, independent kids. You can download free materials for projects to do at home and at school from the website www.letgrow.org
Contact Lenore at www.letgrow.org to arrange a speaking engagement or to get more information.
“Addiction takes over everything… it’s this brain disease that affects individuals and changes their whole view of life and their whole view of relationships.”
~ Katherine Ketcham
The Only Life I Could Save is Katherine Ketcham’s seventeenth book; she has co-authored sixteen others, ten of which are on the subject of addiction and recovery.
For years she worked with kids in a Juvenile Detention Center, but when addiction lands in her own family, nothing she learned from the kids in “juvie” seemed to help.
From the flyleaf: “This book is a raw and moving memoir of heartbreak, healing and profound transformation; … of what Katherine deems the most important lessons of faith, hope, acceptance, and forgiveness.”
This podcast introduces you to a very brave woman, a brave family, and a son who continues to lead and inspire them all.
What if your teen doesn’t want to go to college?
“Only 11 percent of employers believe new college graduates have the skills their businesses need. Seventy-one percent of employers said they would consider hiring a person without a degree over a person with a degree.” ~ Ryan Craig.
Ryan Craig is an investor and author of A New U: Faster + Cheaper Alternatives to College (BenBella Books). In this book, he explains why he feels colleges are not educating kids for today’s jobs; what’s wrong with career services departments at universities; and what the alternatives to college are - alternatives that are faster, cheaper and put kids on a track to avoid layers of debt from a college diploma.
“Faster + cheaper alternatives aren’t pathways to vocational or blue collar jobs, but rather to digital new collar careers,” he writes.
The book is enlightening and fascinating; and this interview will peak your interest and raise your level of awareness about alternatives to college that don’t incur debt and the possibility of no job after four years of study.
The best place to find Ryan is on twitter: @ryancraiguv
Do your kids say things like this…?
Hear the inside scoop from three students about what they learned in the Inner Leadership Program at Hyde School…
There’s much more on this podcast from these three students on what they learned in the various pieces of the program, from confidence in public speaking and independence and trust in themselves, to finding the balance between having fun and still being a good role model.
These students, each now in college, are honest, and self-reflective. I found them quite amazing in the way they could articulate their answers.
Our podcast today will explain the answers to the above questions, as we talk with Laura Gauld, Head of School and President of the Hyde School Organization.
Hyde School’s Inner Leadership Program, where the journey of your unique potential begins, is the promise to all students who graduate from the school. There are five deliverables within this promise:
Listen to this podcast and hear how these deliverables are accomplished at Hyde School.
“When it comes to being a step parent, there isn’t one right way, because every family dynamic is different. You’re marrying the package: you’re marrying ex-spouses; you’re marrying the kids…; the right way is your way for you.”
~ Lisa Walker
The above quote is just a small piece of the wonderful wisdom you’ll hear on step-parenting in this podcast with Lisa Walker. When she married, he had a son in the ninth grade; the boy’s mother was very much in the picture, and as biological parents they had a fear of holding their son accountable.
As a step parent, Lisa learned that standing up for her own values was the thing that would most help her step son. An adult now, he’s told her this mattered; that he is the man he is today, in part, because of her love and respect for him.
"Clear limits and boundaries aren’t just nice or good for children and teens; they’re bedrock.”
~ Deborah Roffman: Talk To Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids’ “Go-To” Person about Sex.
In part two of our series with Debbie Roffman, she teaches us the importance of the five-piece suit of parenting, mentioned briefly in part one. Those five parts are:
She emphasizes the importance of letting our kids know, clearly, what our values are, in all aspects of life including sexuality; of “being the parent;” and to communicate the humanity of being sexual with another human being.
Debbie is referred to by her colleagues as the most articulate professional voice in the US on the need for broad-based human sexuality education. She works with parents, schools and students all across the country.
You can find her at www.talk2mefirst.com.
Are you looking for a “way in” to have the sex talk with your teen?
Deborah Roffman has the answers for us in her book, Talk to Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids’ “Go-To” Person about Sex.
In the preface of her book she writes: “What I hope you’ll discover most of all, if you haven’t already, is the joyfulness to be found in educating and guiding your children around this most central and amazing part of our humanity.”
In the first of a two-part series Debbie explains why it’s so important for our kids to hear information about sexuality from a trusted adult first, and where they go when the information isn’t from that person.
Debbie publishes widely throughout national media, and does workshops and trainings for teachers, parents, counselors and students at schools and organizations across the country. In 2016 she was named as one of Time Magazine’s 16 Top Parenting Experts for the 21st Century.
You can find her at www.talk2mefirst.com.
“Integrity is a way you live your life, a way you make decisions every day, and how you treat others… it’s the little things you do that get seen as the bigger things.” ~ Geri Goldstein
Geri’s comment, above, comes from experience. There was an “elephant” in the living room in her family; after years of enabling others in the family, Geri found within herself what it took to speak the truth about it.
This story has an uplifting and positive ending, thanks to Geri’s integrity and courage, and the entire family’s ability to ask others for help.
Don’t miss this one!
“Do your kids know more about gender and sexual attraction than you do?”
Amy Lang, of Birds and Bees and Kids (www.birdsandbeesandkids.com), and the author of Birds and Bees and YOUR Kids, and Dating Smarts: What EVERY teen needs to know to date, relate or wait!, joins us for a second podcast – this time about gender, sexual attraction, what it means to be gender fluid, what is cisgender? Pansexual? And more…
“Trust your child to know their gender, even if it doesn’t conform to the gender they were assigned at birth and may not make sense to you. Gender is not about what genitals a person has, but who they know themselves to be in their heart.”
Amy is starting her own podcast which will be a Q & A podcast; phone her at 206-926-1522 and leave your questions.
She gives terrific advice to parents on this subject; you’ll want to hear what she has to say in this podcast.
R U Ok?: Teen Depression & Suicide is the title of a book by author Kristi Hugstad, Certified Grief Recovery Specialist and credentialed health educator.
After her husband completed suicide, Kristi bought every book on grief she found and says her living room looked like a recovery library; because of her experience and her new understanding of what she wished she had known, (the title of a previous book she wrote is What I Wish I’d Known), Kristi wrote R U Ok?, a book for parents, educators and teens.*
This interview with Kristi is up-lifting, enlightening and down to earth at the same time. Her presentation of the causes for the depression which can then lead to suicide are straightforward and thought provoking.
If you have not had “the talk” - and Kristi doesn’t mean the sex talk, she means the talk about suicide - with your teen, it’s just as important as the other talks from parents, like “don’t text and drive!”
*Through a grant, R U Ok? is available for schools and organizations, free of charge. Contact Kristi at www.thegriefgirl.com to ask for your copies.
What can parents do to reduce the chance of teens hurting themselves?
This is the title of an article (and today’s podcast) with Kirrilie Smout, clinical psychologist and founder of Developing Minds: Helping kids & teens learn life skills & manage tough times, located near Adelaide, Australia.
In a nutshell, Kirrilie says:
In the article, there is a link for some of these strategies:
Beyond Blue is in Australia, but the coping strategies are universal. She asked that I give several links in the United States:
Kirrilie has also written two books that are available through her website: www.developingminds.net.au
Are you worried about an eating disorder in your child?
Then you’ll definitely want to listen to this podcast with Dana Suchow, national speaker and activist on eating disorders. Dana has personally overcome bulimia, binge eating, and exercise compulsion and has a firsthand understanding of how eating disorders can get started and what parents can do.
Dana has been seen on Good Morning America and ABC News; she’s been interviewed by Vogue, Marie Claire, and numerous other publications. Our interview includes her views on the contributions social media and the diet culture are making to the issue of eating disorders, how parents unwittingly contribute to the problem; and the fact that eating disorders are so often combined with other things.
If you have questions because your child has or you think they may have an eating disorder, Dana suggests contacting The National Eating Disorders Association at www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.
“Parenting through puberty is demanding; [but] remember that your teen needs and loves you, even in the moment that he or she appears to have forgotten this fact!”
This is just one of the many great reminders about parenting adolescents in a wonderful new book by pediatrician, Dr. Suanne Kowal-Connelly called Parenting Through Puberty: Mood Swings, Acne, and Growing Pains, published by the American Academy of Pediatrics. It’s advertised as an ultimate guide to puberty, and indeed it is.
Dr. Suanne, as her patients call her, covers the nuts and bolts of what happens to children’s bodies as they go through the 5 stages of puberty (both boys and girls); issues of self-esteem and body image; concerns that parents have about the timing of puberty; the developing brain of a teenager; the relationship with a pediatrician; guidance for parents of adolescents with special needs; the subject of physical literacy; and lots on health and wellness.
There are also resources on all the subjects she writes about, including eating disorders, depression and anxiety.
The book is a great read and a wonderful reference book for all things adolescent. You can find Dr. Suanne through her website and blog (www.healthpoweredbyyou.com), or on twitter at https://twitter.com/suannekowal.
Dr. Suanne Kowal-Connelly
“What do parents of high school and college kids fear most?”
This is a question I ask Shannon Evans, the scholar coach. A former teacher, Shannon turned to helping families find the right college because as a teacher, she found that kids were not often coming up with the right fit for themselves when it came to going to college.
She uses a family questionnaire, which she describes in this interview, in which parents have to answer questions about their kids: their preferences, their values, their likes and dislikes. She says, “There are often big surprises when the family reconvenes and shares their answers with each other.”
You can find Shannon at https://thescholarcoach.com/.com, and she welcomes free, 20 minute consultations to answer you initial questions.
As a parent, have you ever felt like you were drowning? It can be a lonely feeling when your child or your family is going off-track. Where do you turn? What do you do?
Ed and Linda Murphy found help at the Hyde School in Bath, Maine. And through The Biggest Job Family Program they learned how to parent from their principles, letting go of parenting from fear, guilt or control.
This is a short podcast but a powerful conversation with long time Hyde alumni parents who are very grateful for the life boat that came along and rescued their drowning family.
Are you worried about the effect of social media on your kids? If so, this podcast may put your mind at ease, at least about some aspects of all that kids are exposed to in the media and on devices.
Caroline Knorr, senior parenting editor for Common Sense Media,* shares with us her wisdom about what parents should watch for and the questions they need to ask their kids about what’s going on with them when they’re on their devices.
“In general, social media is a positive with our kids,” Caroline says. “We need to encourage what’s good, and minimize any risks or anything that could exacerbate what’s already there [as a problem] for a child.”
You can find Caroline at firstname.lastname@example.org. She enjoys hearing from parents.
*Common Sense Media is an organization that provides reviews on all products to which kids are exposed, including movies, apps, games, and even you-tube channels. Their website is www.commonsensemedia.org Watch for their latest research report in September, 2018.
Do you consider yourself an honest family, but you don’t talk about the elephant in the room?
Many families are like this; they avoid talking about the really tough stuff; and then kids quickly learn what it’s okay to talk about and what is off limits.
Sheri and Alan Brooks sent three kids to The Hyde School, and went through The Biggest Job Family Program three times. “The third time we did a parent retreat,” they said, “we finally got to the deep issues between us, got honest about them, and began to inspire our children in a totally new way. We were an honest family, but we never talked about the elephant in the room,” said Alan.
In this podcast, Sheri and Alan talk about how The Biggest Job Family program helped them come to an adult-to-adult relationship with each of their now grown children. You’ll enjoy their humor and candor about how they stopped being helicopter parents and inspired their children with their willingness to parent differently.
“Providing information about sex is not the same as giving permission.” ~ Amy Lang
Amy Lang has written two great books on how to talk to your kids about sex. The first one, titled Birds + Bees + Your Kids is also the name of her company: BirdsAndBeesAndKids.com. She teaches parents the importance of clarifying their own values and beliefs about sexuality, love, and relationships, thus forming the solid foundation needed to have the sex talks.
Her second book, Dating Smarts: What EVERY teen needs to know to date, relate or wait is for parents to read and then to give to their teens to read. Nothing is left out in these books. “A well educated child [about sex] is a safer child,” Amy explains.
She does workshops for parents on how to teach kids about sex; and she welcomes questions. You can find her blog and website at https://birdsandbeesandkids.com/ and email her at email@example.com.
"The greatest impact on children are the unlived lives of adults.” Carl Jung
In our last five parenting mantras, Laura Gauld, co-author of the book, The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have, mentions this quote. “We need the help of others to get to our own greatness as parents.”
The mantras in this podcast are about living the kind of life as a parent that will inspire our children; that will model character for them; and that will show our kids our spirit.
The final five mantras are:
Do you see your teen in a way that is only one dimensional? Does your teen see you the same way?
This is a question that Kristin Harman, Director of Admissions at the Hyde School, encourages parents to look at as they decide if they want to start parenting in the exceptional way that The Biggest Job Family Program teaches parents to do.
After working at seven different schools in her career, Kristin came to the Hyde School. She finds that the interview process helps kids and parents listen differently to each other and this begins to establish a deeper trust in each other.
In this podcast, Kristin also talks about how she views the influence of social media; the increase of anxiety in teens; and answers the question, “Is depression sometimes a mask for anxiety?”
This is a great way to help ourselves, as parents, keep our kids from manipulating us says author, Laura Gauld.
The mantras in today’s podcast are:
As you well know, it doesn’t usually happen this way. “Kids highlight the real challenge in the family: the one between the parenting partners,” writes Vicki in this wonderful hands-on book.
A true proponent of fostering independence in kids, Vicki teaches us that looking at how we were parented and melding that with the experience of our partner is truly a challenge. She believes that “having a strong marriage and having solid parenting strategies is not enough to successfully negotiate the tricky terrain of co-parenting with someone who has an entirely different idea on how to raise the kids.”
So how do we meld ideas on parenting in order to co-parent? This book (and this podcast) will help get you started.
You can find Vicki at www.vickihoefle.com
You can also listen to our first interview with Vicki, about her book Duct Tape Parenting.