“What would it be like if parenting was fun and exciting and life with your kids was full of peace, harmony, cooperation, and respect?”
This is a question early in Vicki Hoefle’s book, Duct Tape Parenting.
Consistent with the Biggest Job philosophy, Vicki teaches parents that the true job of parenting is what our kids will be like from the ages of 18 – 80. She stresses that moms have got to get out of the job of being the maid in the house; that when we do for our kids what they can do for themselves, we send the message to them that it’s not okay for them to make mistakes.
“Look at how you might be feeding the weeds of bad behavior and attitudes,” she writes, “by noticing your responses to your children.”
If you’d like a blueprint, complete with road map and directions, on how to raise respectful, responsible, and resilient kids – here it is!
Paul Tough’s book, his third, is great! Although focused on disadvantaged populations of kids and families, there are many ideas, interventions, and strategies that apply to all populations. These include:
Focusing on children who grow up in chaotic and stressful environments, Paul talks about the influence that adverse childhood experiences have on both kids and those who are parenting or teaching them. He relates stories about proven interventions that he has observed, sharing the outcome of long-term studies. He shares with us his hope for change in education, and why he thinks it takes so long for change to occur.
You’ll hear a lot from the book in this interview with Paul, but you’ll still want to read this little, 114 page powerfully-packed book!
For more about Paul Tough, visit his website at www.paultough.com/helping.
Is parenting different today than it was 20 years ago?
How much does fear of a more unsettled world affect parenting today? Why do parents protect their children more these days? Is the world really less safe? Is the job of parenting different?
Children today, especially teens, don’t really know what it means to “grow up.” Is this a problem with the child or with our parenting?
We take a look at this question with podcast guest, Claire Grant, Executive Director of Family Education at Hyde School. Listen to what Claire has learned in her 35 years of work with parents and teens, and learn from her what parents can do to raise children who will achieve their potential.
Randi Levin, a transitional and reinvention coach in New Jersey, talks about her experience as a child of divorced parents and the effect it had on her growing up. She feels that children of divorce experience the divorce for much longer than they realize, and that pieces of it stay with you throughout your life.
After the recent death of her mother, she recognized that her mother’s death caused her to relive the divorce in some way.
Randi says, “No matter how old your children are when you divorce, the foundation you lay coming out of the relationship with your significant other sets the tone that your family will have for the rest of your lives.” She sees this as very important and asks parents to remember that they are not divorcing their children.
Hilary Jacobs Hendel is a psychotherapist in New York City who helps her clients heal and transform themselves by using the science of emotions. Her expertise is in AEDP, which stands for Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy.
She suggests that it’s often a comfort for teens to be able to be angry at their parents; that when parents make decisions for their kids that are not popular, the kid can be angry, but they won’t feel shame about their choice because in some circumstances the decision needs to be made for the teen.
She counsels parents on how to “be there” for their teens and at the same time be able to step back enough to let the teen feel the support and ask for it if needed. She finds parents are as frightened of the separation from their teens as the teen is, and she acknowledges how difficult it is for parents to let go because of all that is out there and available to kids today.