"The big picture of raising children is done with the actions, routines and practices that make up lifetime memories, habits and character," says Laura Gauld, author and head of Hyde School. "It is never too late to start a family tradition and often the value of these actions is seen looking back at one’s upbringing."
In this podcast, she covers the first 5 mantras for Parenting Fundamental #3 - Build Family Traditions (#41-45):
One of the mantras Laura Gauld discusses with us in today’s podcast is “don’t lie, don’t quit.” This is a great lesson for kids and adults and a very simple thing to remember. If I’m off track in my life, I won’t lie about it and I won’t give up. I can imagine our kids remembering this mantra when they are adults if they hear it often enough from us, and probably repeating it to their kids. (See below for all the mantras in today’s podcast.)
There are other great tidbits and lots of helpful information in this conversation, as we wrap up the lessons for our second parenting fundamental: Raise children to be accountable to life.
"Why do we have kids wanting to shoot up a school?"
This is the question Joe Gauld, founder of The Hyde School in Bath, Maine, asks at the beginning of this podcast. Thus starts his explanation of looking at a deeper lesson in the Florida School schooting, rather than just a band aid solution to our national crises of school shootings.
“Develop a safe place or sanctuary,” Joe proposes, “that will allow students to trust that teachers see the best in them and want the best for them. Then let the school be student-centered, based on the character development of each individual as well as the academic development of the kids. In this way we will begin to get rid of the resentment and bullying that has happened as a result of focusing totally on achievement.”
There is a lot of wisdom in what Joe shares with us on this podcast. You can see his full article in the Portland Press Herald: https://www.pressherald.com/2018/02/22/maine-voices-laser-focus-on-each-students-unique-potential-to-make-schools-safe-sanctuaries-of-learning/
Are you worried about a teen who says they are depressed? Do you see anxiety in your teen? Do you find vagueness a part of yours or your teen’s communication?
In part two of our podcast series with Hilary Jacobs Hendel, we learn about what to do if a teen says they are depressed or if they exhibit anxiety. Hilary talks about the importance of roots and wings for our children, the difference between healthy and unhealthy shame in parenting, and why families fall into vagueness as a defense in their communication with one another.
Can you laugh at yourself during some tough parenting moments? Sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? It is possible, says Laura Gauld in our 7th podcast interview in which she shares with us more wisdom from Parenting Fundamental #2: Raise children to be accountable to life.
Laura also shares with us the necessity of teaching our children to delay gratification, and the importance of teaching them how to work.
“What would we have needed in order to be able to talk openly about issues of suicide, teen pregnancy, birth control, addiction, or abuse, (to our parents)?” Dawn Menken in Raising Parents, Raising Kids.
Dawn Menken, author, teacher and workshop leader, has graciously joined us for a second podcast to talk in depth about the issue of bullying. She discusses the four roles of any bullying situation and says each can be alive in all of us at any given time:
She gives tips for parents on how to help children understand what’s at the root of bullying; what parents need to look at in themselves that might be promoting bullying attitudes in their children; and the responsibility parents have in helping to prevent and deal with bullying.
My biggest take-aways from this podcast were learning Dawn’s approach to back talk from our teens, learning how to help a child who is sworn to secrecy by a friend whose secret needs to be known, and the subtlety of where bullying comes from in families.
This podcast is one not to be missed!
Find Dawn at:
Teams Rise Up: Summer Leadership Intensive
July 16-20, 2018
How do you respond to your child when they get angry at you? Is your answer or reaction also one of anger? Wouldn’t it be great if we understood what emotions get triggered in us that make us respond the way we do?
This podcast with Hilary Jacobs Hendel will help you answer these questions. Hilary has written a book called “It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self.” While the title might lead you to think this book is about therapy or psychoanalysis, there is a lot in it to help parents understand where our emotions come from and how we can respond differently to our kids when they are upset; we can also teach them how to deal with their emotions, rather than throwing up defenses to avoid them.
Tricia Uber, Director of College Counseling at Hyde School, advises parents on how much to be involved in the college application process, and where to leave things up to the student. "Students need to have a team for the application and decision process," she says, "but the final decision should be up to the student."
Listen to this podcast and get more advice and wisdom about the entire college application process from Tricia, some of which may surprise you!
This sounds like a parenting conundrum, doesn’t it? So many parenting moments are moments of doubting what the outcome will be, and often doubting ourselves. That’s when we need to go back to our principles, and assure ourselves that even a bad outcome will move us into a new place of learning – about ourselves, as well as our children.
This podcast is filled with gems of parenting wisdom from author and head of Hyde School, Laura Gauld. The mantras we discuss include,
Are you worried about a child using substances? Would you like to know how to speak with your teen about substance use?
In this podcast we hear from Geno Ring, Certified Alcohol and Drug counselor, as he shares his 34 years of experience as a substance abuse counselor with us. Geno is not only knowledgeable about the dangers of substance abuse in teenagers, he also has great advice for parents.
While he advocates finding a counselor in your area so you can meet in person, you can find Geno at this confidential email address: email@example.com
Just the title of this parenting fundamental tells us that parenting is a big job! If we want to help our children grow into responsible adults, with a moral compass and a conscience that guides them, we need to keep in mind that our goal, even when they are teens, is to help them thrive and become independent.
As Laura says in this podcast, “The world is not their mother.”
The five mantras Laura Gauld and I discuss are,
Do you want your children to grow up trusting their instincts? Of course you do! You want them to take responsible risks, trust themselves, have grit, and be respectful – of themselves as well as to others.
This podcast, covering the last five mantras or lessons of Parenting Fundamental # 1: Understand Your Job as Parents, will give you clues on how to teach and model that, as well as many other tips on making parenting just that much easier and fun.
In this podcast, Laura Gauld and I look at parenting lessons that will teach us about the different moments we experience in parenting; there are many easy ones, but then there are some that are “calculus moments.” (Tune in to see what these are!)
Be prepared for these calculus moments by listening to the third group of lessons or mantras of Parenting Fundamental # 1: Understand your job as parents:
"If we are awake, children will show us the kind of parenting they need," says Dawn Menken, author of Raising Parents, Raising Kids: Hands-on Wisdom for the Next Generation.
What would that look like? Wouldn’t that be letting the kids be in charge? Not at all says Dawn; it would mean listening differently to our kids and realizing that it’s our job to help them discover their uniqueness, and if we follow their process, the job of parenting becomes one that teaches us more about ourselves along the way.
Dawn Menken is a therapist in Portland, Oregon; she does individual, relationship and family therapy and is also on the faculty of the Process Work Institute in Portland where she teaches graduate courses.
She travels and offers workshops on a variety of themes, including conflict resolution, group facilitation, diversity issues, children and school issues and health and psychology.
You can find her at www.dawnmenken.com
"Sometimes parenting is two steps forward and one step back," says author Elizabeth Berger in her book, Raising Kids with Character: Developing Trust and Personal Integrity in Children, "But don’t let that discourage you. Your job as a parent is to control the situation, not the child."
Dr. Berger, a board certified child and adolescent psychiatrist with thirty years’ experience treating children and families, shares with us her knowledge about what goes into raising a child of character and the importance of the parent being intensely real. She also says, "it’s never too late."
Did you like the first 5 lessons that taught us more about Parenting Fundamental #1? If so, you’ll also like this quick session with Laura Gauld on the second five lessons for this fundamental:
Tune in, and discover the courage to stop your own dance of deception and embrace your job as parent. As we say with parenting, it's hard, it's doable, and it's never too late.
Have you ever wished for more meaningful communication in your family? Or how about just more communication?
In this podcast, Director of The Biggest Job Family program at the Hyde School, Mary Moore, describes the difference she saw in her family relationships when they started having family meetings. At first, she felt the meetings were hoakie, but after the first several, she realized there was a different level of trust developing between her children, her husband and herself.
Tune in and find out how you can do family meetings in your home; with commitment and letting go of outcomes, you, too, might establish a deeper level of trust between you and your kids.
Most of us know that sports teams all have leaders. However, would it be possible for everyone on the team to be a leader? Wouldn’t that create confusion, or chaos?
“No,” says Bechler in his most recent book, The Leadership Playbook: Become Your Team’s Most Valuable Leader. “Everyone on the team needs to be striving to do their best, and be their best. It’s called collective responsibility; you are your brother’s keeper; what you do affects others.”
This book teaches anyone who wants to be a leader on a team, or in life, the importance of having core principles and living by them; the importance of leading yourself, and how to do it; how to lead regardless of your role on a team.
Listen to the podcast with Jamy and learn more of what’s in the book, how he came to write it, and his views on the importance of character for kids and parents, whether you’re on a sports team, a work team, or a family team.
Are teenage girls really difficult to raise? Not according to Robin Axelrod Sabag, who is the author of Strong Girls, Strong Parents: A Guide to Raising Teenage Girls in a New Era.
Not only will you enjoy this podcast, you’ll love the book. Robin is enthusiastic as she imparts many tips for parents of girls and gives background information on understanding why they are the way they are in their teens.
Do you ever wish you had a map and compass for parenting? The 100 Lessons that go with The Five Fundamentals of Parenting might be the closest thing you will find.
In this series, Laura Gauld, co-author of The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have, will talk about 20 lessons that go with each of the Five Fundamentals. Tune in to the first five lessons, and learn how to do the right thing as a parent, present a united front, and the importance of parenting from your principles, rather than from fear, guilt or control.
Here is a break down of the first 5 Lessons Laura talks about in this podcast of the first Parenting Fundamental, "Understand Your Job as Parents";
As most parents know, letting go of our children is very hard; we don’t want to see them fail and we often don’t want them to be unhappy. But how do our kids feel when we can’t let go?
This podcast is with a mom, Sally Ross, and her daughter, Bryn Nolan, who graduated from Hyde, and who have a mature, open, and honest relationship with each other. The daughter talks about how grateful she is that she’s learned to be independent, and the mother shares with us the importance of not being afraid to let your child struggle.
They both offer parents some valuable advice on raising responsible kids.
Imagine a school where every student cared – really cared and was concerned – about the best in their fellow students?
Where the discipline and structure of the school was the responsibility of the students, and not just the teachers?
This concept, originally called Brother’s Keeper and now being called Each Other’s Keeper, is one of the most important concepts of Hyde’s basic tenets: Be the best possible you.
We can’t be the best on our own; we need the help and concern of those around us to achieve our best.
Malcolm Gauld, president of Hyde Schools, explains it best.
Do you ever worry that your child is off track in his or her character? That you’re not getting honest answers to your questions; that they don’t seem passionate about things in their life, or they aren’t really going after something?
Character isn’t missing in kids; it’s there, and just needs to be uncovered. So says veteran teacher, John Rigney of Hyde School.
In this podcast, John describes how, through classes such as he teaches, kids can better understand themselves and be better prepared for college and the world as they leave high school.
Find John on Twitter: @jdrigney
Do you think you know what’s going on with your teen? Louise Kreiner, an educational consultant for over 30 years, thinks most parents don’t know what’s going on with their teens. “Teens are very private,” she says. “They share with their friends but they don’t share with their parents.”
She thinks parents should have access to their teen’s room and also to their computer and devices; she feels too many parents today walk on eggshells around their kids. “Be the parent, not their friend,” she says.
Louise is a big fan of Hyde and she talks candidly about the type of family that she feels is a good fit for the school.
Louise Kreiner, MA, CEP
New England Educational Advisory Service
P.O. Box 949
Amesbury, MA 01913
Phone: (978) 388-1578
Cell: (978) 375-0781
Fax: (978) 388-1873
Phone: (978) 388-1578
Phone: (978) 388-1578
How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)
Want the answers to this statement? Then read Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy; and, listen to this podcast. (Well, the answers are in the book; the podcast is about what has influenced our fear of letting go…)
Lenore is the woman who let her nine-year-old ride the New York City subway by himself. And started a whole new movement about what it means to keep kids safe.
She says, (and I’m paraphrasing)… “I don’t blame helicopter parents; it’s not their fault. We’ve been programmed to believe that the world is a very scary place, and unless we have a GPS on our kids at all times, we’re not being good parents.”
She rebuffs this idea with facts based on research and conversations that will help parents realize when and where they might be overprotecting their children and preventing their competence and confidence.
You get an immediate sense of Lenore’s delightful humor from the website www.freerangekids.com: “fighting the belief that our children are in constant danger from creeps, kidnapping, germs, grades, flashers, frustration, failure, baby snatchers, bugs, bullies, men, sleepovers and / or the perils of a non-organic grape.”
Hope you enjoy!