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Parenting Teens: The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have Podcast

Do you feel that parenting teens is the biggest job you’ll ever have? Are you wondering about how to help your child discover his or her unique potential? Are you dedicated to raising a child with character and integrity? Based on the Hyde School’s philosophy of “parents are the primary teachers and the home is the primary classroom,” this podcast was created to help parents understand just how to put this philosophy in place in the home, and to discover the transformative outcomes that happen in families who implement it. You will hear from not only experts in the field of raising teenagers, such as educational consultants, authors, and therapists, but also hear from former Hyde parents and students who share their stories of challenges and triumphs on this journey. We welcome you to jump in and start discovering some “ah ha” moments and practices you can implement right away to bring your family closer together and raise self-confident teenagers with character who become inspiring adults.
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Parenting Teens: The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have Podcast
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Jan 22, 2018

This sounds like a parenting conundrum, doesn’t it? So many parenting moments are moments of doubting what the outcome will be, and often doubting ourselves. That’s when we need to go back to our principles, and assure ourselves that even a bad outcome will move us into a new place of learning – about ourselves, as well as our children.

This podcast is filled with gems of parenting wisdom from author and head of Hyde School, Laura Gauld.  The mantras we discuss include,

  1. This could be good, or this could be bad.
  2. Be ready to go to the wall.
  3. Let your child struggle without stepping in to lessen the discomfort.
  4. When your child screws up, take them back to the scene of the crime to make amends.
  5. Allow your children the same struggles that shaped you.
Jan 15, 2018

Are you worried about a child using substances? Would you like to know how to speak with your teen about substance use? 

In this podcast we hear from Geno Ring, Certified Alcohol and Drug counselor, as he shares his 34 years of experience as a substance abuse counselor with us. Geno is not only knowledgeable about the dangers of substance abuse in teenagers, he also has great advice for parents.

While he advocates finding a counselor in your area so you can meet in person, you can find Geno at this confidential email address: bring@gwi.net 

Jan 8, 2018

Just the title of this parenting fundamental tells us that parenting is a big job! If we want to help our children grow into responsible adults, with a moral compass and a conscience that guides them, we need to keep in mind that our goal, even when they are teens, is to help them thrive and become independent.

As Laura says in this podcast, “The world is not their mother.”

The five mantras Laura Gauld and I discuss are,

  1. Do not do for your children what they can do for themselves.
  2. The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
  3. Value success and failure
  4. Treat your child as if they were someone else’s
  5. As a matter of practice, expect your child to do things they may not want to do, just because.
Dec 25, 2017

Do you want your children to grow up trusting their instincts? Of course you do!  You want them to take responsible risks, trust themselves, have grit, and be respectful – of themselves as well as to others.

This podcast, covering the last five mantras or lessons of Parenting Fundamental # 1: Understand Your Job as Parents, will give you clues on how to teach and model that, as well as many other tips on making parenting just that much easier and fun.

  1. Let go of good guy/bad guy roles.
    If our children see us as parents always in the same box, they will stay in their box. Change and you will inspire change in your child.
  2. Love your child yet resist seeking their love.
    If you know you love your child, let go of groveling for the scraps of affection. Seek their respect and you will receive all the love you need in time.
  3. Parents need a community.
    We cannot do this important job alone even if we have a supportive partner. Create the village that you need.
  4. The more you talk, the more you lose.
    When you are not happy with your child’s attitude, say less and communicate more with a look and silent listening. You will be amazed how the burden will shift to your child to figure it out.
  5. Inspiration: Job #1.
    We will not inspire our children with our wins, salaries, awards, etc. We will inspire them when we share struggles, take risks, move forward and model daily character.

 

Dec 18, 2017

In this podcast, Laura Gauld and I look at parenting lessons that will teach us about the different moments we experience in parenting; there are many easy ones, but then there are some that are “calculus moments.” (Tune in to see what these are!)

Be prepared for these calculus moments by listening to the third group of lessons or mantras of Parenting Fundamental # 1: Understand your job as parents:

  1. Do only those things that keep you strong
  2. You are not expected to be right, just to do your best.
  3. Don’t beat yourself up unless it is helpful.
  4. Remember that you are the parent.
  5. What is the challenge here for me?
Dec 11, 2017

Raising Parents, Raising Kids, by Dawn Menken

"If we are awake, children will show us the kind of parenting they need," says Dawn Menken, author of Raising Parents, Raising Kids: Hands-on Wisdom for the Next Generation.

What would that look like? Wouldn’t that be letting the kids be in charge? Not at all says Dawn; it would mean listening differently to our kids and realizing that it’s our job to help them discover their uniqueness, and if we follow their process, the job of parenting becomes one that teaches us more about ourselves along the way.

Dawn Menken is a therapist in Portland, Oregon; she does individual, relationship and family therapy and is also on the faculty of the Process Work Institute in Portland where she teaches graduate courses.

She travels and offers workshops on a variety of themes, including conflict resolution, group facilitation, diversity issues, children and school issues and health and psychology.

You can find her at  www.dawnmenken.com

Dec 4, 2017

Raising Kids with Character by Dr. Elizabeth Berger

"Sometimes parenting is two steps forward and one step back," says author Elizabeth Berger in her book, Raising Kids with Character: Developing Trust and Personal Integrity in Children, "But don’t let that discourage you. Your job as a parent is to control the situation, not the child."

Dr. Berger, a board certified child and adolescent psychiatrist with thirty years’ experience treating children and families, shares with us her knowledge about what goes into raising a child of character and the importance of the parent being intensely real. She also says, "it’s never too late."

You may email Elizabeth at elizabethbergermd@gmail.com and her website is www.elizabethbergermd.com

Nov 27, 2017

Did you like the first 5 lessons that taught us more about Parenting Fundamental #1? If so, you’ll also like this quick session with Laura Gauld on the second five lessons for this fundamental:

  1. Do not engage
  2. Truth over Harmony
  3. Do not take it personally
  4. Liberate yourself from looking good
  5. Expect and demand respect from your children (and you will get their love.)

Tune in, and discover the courage to stop your own dance of deception and embrace your job as parent. As we say with parenting, it's hard, it's doable, and it's never too late.

Resources:

Nov 20, 2017

Have you ever wished for more meaningful communication in your family? Or how about just more communication?

In this podcast, Director of The Biggest Job Family program at the Hyde School, Mary Moore, describes the difference she saw in her family relationships when they started having family meetings. At first, she felt the meetings were hoakie, but after the first several, she realized there was a different level of trust developing between her children, her husband and herself.

Tune in and find out how you can do family meetings in your home; with commitment and letting go of outcomes, you, too, might establish a deeper level of trust between you and your kids.

Resources:

Nov 13, 2017

Most of us know that sports teams all have leaders. However, would it be possible for everyone on the team to be a leader? Wouldn’t that create confusion, or chaos?

“No,” says Bechler in his most recent book, The Leadership Playbook: Become Your Team’s Most Valuable Leader. “Everyone on the team needs to be striving to do their best, and be their best. It’s called collective responsibility; you are your brother’s keeper; what you do affects others.”

The Leadership Playbook by Jamy Bechler

This book teaches anyone who wants to be a leader on a team, or in life, the importance of having core principles and living by them; the importance of leading yourself, and how to do it; how to lead regardless of your role on a team.

Listen to the podcast with Jamy and learn more of what’s in the book, how he came to write it, and his views on the importance of character for kids and parents, whether you’re on a sports team, a work team, or a family team. 

Resources:

Nov 6, 2017

Are teenage girls really difficult to raise? Not according to Robin Axelrod Sabag, who is the author of Strong Girls, Strong Parents: A Guide to Raising Teenage Girls in a New Era.

Not only will you enjoy this podcast, you’ll love the book. Robin is enthusiastic as she imparts many tips for parents of girls and gives background information on understanding why they are the way they are in their teens. 

Robin’s website is www.robinsabagtherapy.com and you can find her book on amazon.com

Oct 23, 2017

Do you ever wish you had a map and compass for parenting? The 100 Lessons that go with The Five Fundamentals of Parenting might be the closest thing you will find.

In this series, Laura Gauld, co-author of The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have, will talk about 20 lessons that go with each of the Five Fundamentals. Tune in to the first five lessons, and learn how to do the right thing as a parent, present a united front, and the importance of parenting from your principles, rather than from fear, guilt or control.

Here is a break down of the first 5 Lessons Laura talks about in this podcast of the first Parenting Fundamental, "Understand Your Job as Parents";

  1. Parents are the primary teacher and home is the primary classroom.
    There are many influences in today’s youth culture that threaten the important growth process of a child. We must remember that the parent is the primary role model and the home is the primary atmosphere for developing character. Our job is to raise our children to be adults that are honest, decent contributors to the world.

  2. We can be friendly, but we can’t be friends.
    Our parenting culture has shifted to a model that encourages “friendship” which misses the point. We can have friendly moments but our children need us to be their parents. Parents now leads to friends later.

  3. Do the right thing, even if it goes against the culture or your earlier stance.
    Our job is not to be right, it is to do the best we can each day. As new information comes our way, we continue to make the next right step. Never feel guilty for changing your answer or stance if you know it is the right thing. Your child will thank you later.

  4. Parent from your principles, not from fear, guilt or control.
    Fear and guilt will not inspire yourself or your child. Have the courage to acknowledge your core principles and build your foundation of parenting around them.

  5. Present a united front.
    So many parents miss this simple but powerful truth; divided you will fall! Your children will manipulate if she can and you will be left fighting with each other. Work to stand together with either your spouse, partner, or committed adult in your child’s life.

Resources:

Jan 30, 2017

As most parents know, letting go of our children is very hard; we don’t want to see them fail and we often don’t want them to be unhappy. But how do our kids feel when we can’t let go?

This podcast is with a mom, Sally Ross, and her daughter, Bryn Nolan, who graduated from Hyde, and who have a mature, open, and honest relationship with each other. The daughter talks about how grateful she is that she’s learned to be independent, and the mother shares with us the importance of not being afraid to let your child struggle.

They both offer parents some valuable advice on raising responsible kids. 

Resources:

Jan 9, 2017

Imagine a school where every student cared – really cared and was concerned – about the best in their fellow students?

Where the discipline and structure of the school was the responsibility of the students, and not just the teachers? 

This concept, originally called Brother’s Keeper and now being called Each Other’s Keeper, is one of the most important concepts of Hyde’s basic tenets: Be the best possible you

We can’t be the best on our own; we need the help and concern of those around us to achieve our best.

Malcolm Gauld, president of Hyde Schools, explains it best.

Links:

Dec 5, 2016

Do you ever worry that your child is off track in his or her character? That you’re not getting honest answers to your questions; that they don’t seem passionate about things in their life, or they aren’t really going after something?

Character isn’t missing in kids; it’s there, and just needs to be uncovered. So says veteran teacher, John Rigney of Hyde School. 

In this podcast, John describes how, through classes such as he teaches, kids can better understand themselves and be better prepared for college and the world as they leave high school.

Find John on Twitter: @jdrigney

https://twitter.com/jdrigney

Nov 21, 2016

Do you think you know what’s going on with your teen? Louise Kreiner, an educational consultant for over 30 years, thinks most parents don’t know what’s going on with their teens. “Teens are very private,” she says. “They share with their friends but they don’t share with their parents.” 

She thinks parents should have access to their teen’s room and also to their computer and devices; she feels too many parents today walk on eggshells around their kids. “Be the parent, not their friend,” she says.

Louise is a big fan of Hyde and she talks candidly about the type of family that she feels is a good fit for the school. 

Contact Louise:

Louise Kreiner, MA, CEP
New England Educational Advisory Service
P.O. Box 949
Amesbury, MA 01913

Phone: (978) 388-1578
Cell: (978) 375-0781
Fax: (978) 388-1873
email: LK@newenglandeducationadvisors.com

New York
Phone: (978) 388-1578

Florida
Phone: (978) 388-1578

Nov 7, 2016

How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)

Want the answers to this statement? Then read Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy; and, listen to this podcast. (Well, the answers are in the book; the podcast is about what has influenced our fear of letting go…)

Lenore is the woman who let her nine-year-old ride the New York City subway by himself. And started a whole new movement about what it means to keep kids safe. 

She says, (and I’m paraphrasing)… “I don’t blame helicopter parents; it’s not their fault. We’ve been programmed to believe that the world is a very scary place, and unless we have a GPS on our kids at all times, we’re not being good parents.” 

She rebuffs this idea with facts based on research and conversations that will help parents realize when and where they might be overprotecting their children and preventing their competence and confidence.

You get an immediate sense of Lenore’s delightful humor from the website www.freerangekids.com: “fighting the belief that our children are in constant danger from creeps, kidnapping, germs, grades, flashers, frustration, failure, baby snatchers, bugs, bullies, men, sleepovers and / or the perils of a non-organic grape.” 

Hope you enjoy!

Oct 31, 2016

Wouldn’t it be great to have a map and a compass for our parenting? A “true north” answer for every situation that challenged our parenting decisions and wisdom?

In our second interview with Laura Gauld from Hyde School, we are introduced to 5 Fundamentals of Parenting that might be that kind of guide. 

While not actually being answers, these 5 Fundamentals give us a grounded place from which to look at each parenting challenge, and a kind of compass to keep heading in the right direction.

  1. Understand our job as parents.
  2. Raise children to be accountable to life.
  3. Build family traditions.
  4. Have faith in your child’s unique potential and the larger forces at work.
  5. Your growth will be your true legacy to your child.

You can reach Laura Gauld through the BiggestJob.com website and Hyde.edu.

Oct 24, 2016

No one knows this more than parenting coach Rhonda Moskowitz of Columbus, Ohio. She says,

“We have to remember that it’s about us, the parents; if it were about the kids, it would be called kidding.”

In this podcast interview, Rhonda tells us the four things about which parents most often seek her advice:

  1. Drugs
  2. Alcohol
  3. Technology
  4. Kids’ friends

In an upbeat, insightful way, Rhonda shares the importance of remaining calm when faced with a parenting fear, that going into high panic mode is not helpful, despite how fearful the issue might be, and the importance of building a relationship with your child.

You can find Rhonda Moskowitz at www.practicalsolutionsparentcoaching.com  or by phone at 614-459-8628.

Oct 17, 2016

Jason Warnick has spent 15 years interviewing kids and families interested in Hyde School. He has seen teens as they begin their freshman, sophomore, or junior year, and he has watched them as they have come to gain confidence in who they are and where they are going in their lives. He’s observed three – what he calls “surprising” – traits that these kids possess:

  1. Compassion – in the age of social media and digital everything, this trait can get lost…
  2. Honesty –including the importance of self-honesty and the ability to hear what others say about us…
  3. Humor – being able to laugh at oneself and not take ourselves too seriously.

And where do kids learn these traits?  You guessed it – from their parents. How are you doing in these three areas?

Oct 10, 2016

Most parents think their teens know everything about technology, and in fact are ahead of us, the parents. But Donna Dubinsky, head of technology at Hyde School, shares some fascinating information about what teens don’t know in this area.

What does a private account on face book really mean? Does it mean complete privacy? Will college admissions offices be able to see postings that teens thought were private? If they post on snap chat and then delete, does it really go away? What is trolling? Why don’t teens see sexting as an intimate conversation?

Donna learned from the teens she teaches that they feel the adults in their lives are not setting the best example in digital citizenship. Listen to this podcast and learn what you need to know to advise your teen, and to be the best you can be as a digital citizen. 

Recommended Book:

It's Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens by Dana Boyd

Learn more about Hyde School's Parenting, The Biggest Job at www.biggestjob.com.

 

Oct 3, 2016

Do you ever wonder if you'll ever be as savvy on those devices as your kids?

And what about the amount of time they spend "plugged in?"  Do you worry about a proper balance in their lives?

Diana Graber and Cynthia Liebermann, who run an organization called Cyber Wise: No Grownup Left Behind, met in graduate school in a program called Media Psychology and Social Change. They decided to take what they had learned on digital literacy and how kids learn in this changing world, and make it available to the people who need it most: parents and teachers.

If you worry about the ethical decisions behind what your kids do when they're on-line, join this podcast for some great advice. 

www.cyberwise.org

Learn more about Hyde School's Parenting, The Biggest Job at www.biggestjob.com.

Sep 26, 2016

If you've noticed a theme in some of our podcasts about letting go, that’s probably because most parents struggle with it – a lot!

In this podcast, former and current parents - one son has graduated and a second son is going into his senior year - Ben and Bonita Davis, share candidly about how the tension in their family had drifted from the vision they had for family members and themselves, how they found Hyde, and how it helped them in their parenting. 

They found that the parent program deepened their trust in their kids and strengthened the love and trust that they had for each other.

Learn more about Hyde School's Parenting, The Biggest Job at www.biggestjob.com.

Jul 11, 2016

“Every parent has a dream for their child; what is your dream?” 

This is the question educational consultant, Barbara Leventhal, asks parents the first time she meets with them. “The most universal answer,” she says, “is, ‘I just want my child to be happy.’” 

“It’s usually in middle school when parents come to me, realizing that their child is turned off. Once this happens, there are often a myriad of problems that can start to happen, from eating disorders and cutting, to unsafe friends and distractions while driving. And I believe that most of these things happen when kids are disengaged in learning.”    

As a former classroom teacher and then school administrator, Barbara now works with middle and high school students, teaching them study skills and time management, what is often referred to as executive function.  

In this podcast, Barbara gives parents the answer to what their child needs to be happy.

Links:

Jul 4, 2016

School is for kids but Hyde is for families.

Holly White, former Hyde parent, has a blended family that all benefited from Hyde School, although only her youngest child attended the school. 

She talks candidly about getting past the disappointment of not having your child at home with you for high school, the financial burden of the tuition, and especially the resistance of the teen to leave home and go away to school. 

She uses the term “deterioration of the fabric of our family,” a term that typifies many families today.  At Hyde, Holly learned that she was the peacemaker in the family, and how that role held the family back from creating a vision by which to live. She now lives with the weight of her foot in Truth over Harmony.

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